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Tag: Words

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Not Just Another Lady

Several years ago I had an epiphany at Walmart. It was a Monday evening after dark. It was rainy so I had just dropped my wife off at the Walmart front door. I was about to pull away to park the car, but I waited for a woman who had just stepped from the parking lot in front of my car on her way into the store. I recognized her.

The day before, at church, she and her husband had been the focus of a celebration. They had just retired from an organization where they had spent their career living among an indigenous people group whose language had never before been learned by outsiders and had no written form. They had learned the language, reduced it to writing and taught the people to read it. Then they had translated the entire New Testament of the Bible into that language so the people could read it. It was an incredible lifetime achievement which I deeply admired.

The epiphany came when it occurred to me that to everyone else in that store, she would be just another lady in the Walmart checkout line.

That moment changed me in some way. It showed me there is no such thing as “just another lady in the Walmart checkout line.” Everyone has a story. Every story is unique. Just because I don’t know a person’s story doesn’t mean they don’t have one or that it’s not important. It is to them. “Treating others as important people” is how James C. Hunter defines “Respectfulness.”

Word Nerd Alert

The online dictionary defines respect in these two ways:

  1. A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
  2. Due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others

It comes from two Latin words that mean “to look back.” I’m not sure if that means to look back at someone who is looking at you, which is a western form of respect. “Look me in the eye when you speak to me.” Many eastern cultures consider that disrespectful. Or, does “look back” mean a double take, like when you glance at something and it catches your eye so you look again? Something worth giving your attention. I can see either meaning as part of Respectfulness.

What’s The Point?

I was having lunch with two colleagues some time ago when my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number and normally I wouldn’t answer a call I didn’t recognize, especially when I’m in the middle of something. But, my colleagues happened to be saying something to each other at that moment so I answered the phone. The voice on the other end identified herself and asked if I had a moment to talk to the CEO. I took the call. That one was pretty easy.

I like almonds. There is a gas station near my workplace that sometimes has a sale on almonds, two bags for $6. I usually spring for the almonds when they’re on sale there. The question is, how do I treat the Indian gentleman who usually works behind the counter when I pay for my almonds? Do I treat him like I treat the CEO? His story is as important to him as mine is to me and the CEO’s is to him. Respectfulness dictates that I treat him as an important person. That gas station is usually busy so I respect his time by not trying to take too much of it. But, I do smile and clearly say, “Thank you” and I look for anything else I can do to be respectful.

A Matter of Policy and More

Most companies have written into their policies that employees will treat each other with “dignity and respect.” I’ve seen collective bargaining agreements that have similar language. Why is that? Someone has said that contrast is the mother of clarity. So, what is dis-respect? Disrespect is to treat someone as though they were not important, to disregard them or to mistreat them. Clearly no relationships, work or otherwise, would survive long in that kind of environment. Organizations thrive when people treat each other with respect.

People need to know that they matter. They want to know they matter on a personal level and that their work matters. Showing respectfulness sends the clear message that both are true. The simple phrase, “Thank you,” for example, signals to the other person that what they did, large or small,  mattered to you.  That means they mattered.

Try this. Next time you go through a drive through, make eye contact with the person who hands you your order, smile, and clearly say, “Thank you.” Watch their face. Write to me and tell me what happened. If you can do that with a likely stranger, how about your co-worker or family member?

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Where Credit Is Due

“Hey Mom, Why is the sky blue?” “Dad, Where did I come from?” “Hey Mom, What are clouds made of?” If you’ve ever spent much time around children, you’ve heard all the questions. In fact, one study said that children ask 73 questions per day on average. I remember one drive into the city with our two youngest, Suzi (my wife), and grandma and grandpa in the car. Our youngest son, Jordan, hit the daily average in the first hour on that trip!

Young children are absorbing the world around them for the first time. They’re learning. They ask questions because they don’t know and they want to. It’s refreshing (when it hasn’t reached the point of being annoying), to hear the purity of their asking. Kids are real. There’s no pretense, no arrogance. They just ask because they want to learn. In his book on Leadership, James C. Hunter uses those terms to define “Humility.” He says humility is “being authentic, without pretense or arrogance.”

Word Nerd Alert

As I like to say, “The beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms.” So, let’s look at each of those three words used by Hunter. The online dictionary says:

Authentic

  • not false or imitation : real, actual
  • true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character

Pretense

  • a false reason or explanation that is used to hide the real purpose of something
  • an act or appearance that looks real but is false
  • a claim of having a particular quality, ability, condition, etc.
  • a claim made or implied; especially one not supported by fact
  • professed rather than real intention or purpose

Arrogance

  • an insulting way of thinking or behaving that comes from believing that you are better, smarter, or more important than other people
  • an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions

The online dictionary defines Humility as: “a modest or low view of one’s own importance, humbleness.”

One Chinese character for humility includes characters for walking, for connecting and for a small child.

C.S. Lewis said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”

What’s the Point?

Harry S. Truman is credited with saying “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”

If we combine what C.S. Lewis and Harry S. Truman said, we get to how I think about humility. Humility is not about putting yourself down or downplaying your strengths and abilities. It’s about using your strengths and abilities to lift others up. Especially as a leader, it’s making sure that you absorb blame when things go wrong and give credit when they go right.

When you hear a star basketball player interviewed, which kind of comments draw you to them? Are they the comments from the player who says, “Yeah, I really had to step up my game and carry my team to get the win?” Or are they from the player who says, “I’m really proud of how we were able to pull together and get this win. It’s an honor to be a part of this team?” Of course, it’s the second. We appreciate the humility.

No one succeeds alone. Those who think they do usually do end up alone. Arrogance and Pretense push people away. We are social creatures, designed to live and thrive in community. Every successful person has had teachers and mentors and support people along the way who are as much responsible for their success as they are.

Childlike

It’s interesting how we use the term “childish” to mean selfish and demanding, someone who might throw a temper tantrum if they don’t get their own way. On the other hand, we use the term “childlike” more positively. It refers to people who have not lost their sense of wonder, who ask questions, who are trusting and genuine, people who rely on others for help and don’t mind. In other words, humble.

The greatest leaders exhibit childlike humility. How can you use your strengths and abilities to lift up the people around you? Who around you now or in the past has been partially responsible for your success? Why not start exhibiting humility by thanking them?

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I See You

I got a new shirt several months ago. One morning while I was getting ready for the day, I put on my new shirt. My daughter was getting ready for school at the same time. She came out of her bathroom and saw me in my new shirt for the first time. Apparently she liked it because she said, “New shirt? Ooh, I see you, Dad!” I don’t remember hearing that expression too many times before, but it made me feel good and I’ve thought about it since.

Am I Invisible?

I’ve mentioned before that we lived in China for a couple years . . . along with 1.3 billion other people! That’s a lot of people. And, we saw a lot of mom’s carrying babies during that time. My wife loves children (and elderly people, we saw a lot of them, too). One of the first Chinese phrases she wanted to learn was how to say “What a cute baby!” She said that to as many moms as she could. At first she said it just because it was true. But, when she noticed the reaction of the moms, she had another reason to make that comment. Every time she said that to a mom, it was like the mom was amazed that this lady had noticed her child, and she seemed so appreciative.

Suzi (my wife) began to wonder if all those moms felt invisible in the huge throngs of people that were always present. When you looked out over a crowd there it was a homogeneous looking sea of black haired people pressed together. Calling out a mom by saying she had a cute baby seemed to make her feel like she wasn’t invisible, like she mattered. Suzi was on a mission to make sure moms knew they mattered. It was like she was saying, “I see you.”

Light ’em Up

A healthcare client of mine employed a hospitality customer service technique called the 10-5 rule. Ever heard of it? It says that if you are approaching a guest in the corridor or outside the business and they are 10 feet away from you, make eye contact and offer a warm smile to acknowledge the guest. If they come within 5 feet, a sincere greeting should accompany the smile.

Try that and watch what happens. I’ve seen, time and again, people approaching me who had on shall we say “resting business face” light up like a child watching the fireworks at Disney World when I greeted them with a simple “hello.” It’s amazing how a simple but sincere greeting can transform a person’s countenance.

What’s It All About?

These are examples of simple acts of kindness. A brief but powerful definition of Kindness is “giving attention, appreciation, and encouragement.”

Giving attention is simply saying, “I see you” to someone who may feel invisible. Notice the people around you. Take a moment to acknowledge them. Hold the door for someone. Smile and say, “hello.” Offer to help someone who is struggling.

Appreciation means “to enjoy the good qualities of someone or something.” It also means “a full understanding of a situation.” Either meaning works for kindness. It’s telling the Chinese mom her baby is cute. It’s saying, “What a delicious meal!” Or, “Good job. Your report was spot on.” It could be, “I realize what a difficult situation this must be for you.” It could even be as simple as, “Thank you.” Don’t you like to be appreciated?

I was recently talking with a client who mentioned what a good job one of his subordinates was doing. The person was three levels lower in their hierarchy. I ran into that person later the same day and told him what is boss had said. He was so grateful to hear that. He must have thanked me three or four times.

Encouragement means, “the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope.” It also means, “persuasion to do or to continue something.” Finally, it means, “the act of trying to stimulate the development of an activity, state, or belief.” You can see how any of these uses of Encouragement would be an act of kindness for someone who needed hope or needed to press on or to believe in a better tomorrow.

So What?

There are a million reasons to be kind. Here are two. First, you could save a life. There are many stories about how an act of kindness saved someone. Check out this one for example. The lyrics to this song show how our words have the power to hurt or to Speak Life into someone. Our words and actions are powerful. Use them for good.

A second reason to be kind is that kindness is a boomerang. When you put it out there, it often finds its way back to you through someone else. This reason may sound a bit selfish but in reality, the boomerang effect of kindness often involves a multiplication effect as well. The kindness not only returns to you, but it also gets payed forward by the person to whom you showed it. So go ahead and be selfish.

We never know what the people around us at work, in the neighborhood, at the store, may be facing at any given time. Your one act or word of kindness could make all the difference in the world to them. Find someone and show them some kindness today!

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Happy Anniversary!


It was one year ago today that I launched this blog. My first post went up on Sunday, April 15, 2018 and was titled “Star Performance.” Since then I have posted weekly, publishing every Monday. Although it’s been exactly one year, this is actually the 59th post because I published a few mid-week thoughts in addition to the weekly posts.

This blog has been primarily about elements of Employee Engagement. A few months ago I added a page to the website called “Posts by Category.” The categories listed are:

  1. Engager Dynamics
  2. Habit Formation
  3. Listening
  4. Words

That last one, “words,” may sound a bit strange, but I call myself a word nerd because I enjoy diving into the definitions of terms as a way of better understanding what I or someone else is talking or writing about. A few of the mid-week posts have been about words that have made a powerful impact on my thinking.

Engager Dynamics

These posts are specifically about those things “bosses” do that cause their people to give their discretionary talent and energy to the work. They are identified by a single verb, like “Expect,” then the post expands on what it means to set expectations. I’ve organized these “dynamics” into those that Challenge and those that Connect with people.

Habit Formation

So much of what we do is out of habit. That includes many of the ways we interact with each other. These posts revisit each of the Engager Dynamics from the perspective of how to make them your habit. The first in this series introduces habit formation under the title “How Does a Klutz Become a Dancer?”

Listening

Arguably one of the most important and most underutilized skills in the human interaction skill set, listening is the focus of the next series of posts. I call it “The Super Power You Didn’t Know You Have.” Super Power listening allows you to see the world through other people’s eyes. That’s so cool, and cool things happen in relationships when you can do that.

Words

I mentioned this series above but, to elaborate a bit, I posted a few “Word Nerd Alerts” by themselves. I’ve included in this category other posts that have word definitions as part of the content within that post. What can I say, I’m a nerd.

A Request

On the “Home” page of the blog website (www.engagerdynamics.com) I wrote,

“Welcome to Engager Dynamics.com! Thank you for visiting. We are having a conversation about what I call “Engager Dynamics. We are looking at Employee Engagement from a little different perspective.”

I would love for this to be a conversation, so I invite you to leave comments on any of the posts. Let me know if you agree, disagree, have additional thoughts, or suggestions on topics. I know we’re busy. If you don’t have time to leave a comment, would you let me know if you’ve read any of the other posts in a comment to this one? Thank you!

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Metacognition and Listening to our Listening

In a previous post I mentioned the word “Metacognition.” Here comes the word nerd in me, again. The word comes from the Greek prefix μετά meaning “after,” “beside,” “with,” or “among” and the Latin cognoscere which means “get to know.” It’s use has grown over the last half century in the fields of psychology and education. It means

“. . . put simply, thinking about one’s thinking. More precisely, it refers to the processes used to plan, monitor, and assess one’s understanding and performance. Metacognition includes a critical awareness of a) one’s thinking and learning and b) oneself as a thinker and learner.” 1

Many have come to use a similar term in the study of listening, meta-listening. We could say, “Listening to our listening.” In the post about “Barriers to Good Listening,” I wrote about “Bonus Brain Time.” That’s the time created by the difference between the speed of speech and the speed of thought. It is within that time that the difference is made between not listening and super-power listening.

Try an exercise. This is the “planning” phase from the definition above. During your next conversation, practice being aware of how you are listening. This is the monitoring phase. Pay attention to your own posture and attention. Are you giving eye contact? Are you listening to what is being said or are you planning what you will say next? Then pay attention to the person talking. What words are they using? What are their body language and facial expressions saying to you?

After the conversation is over, make some notes. This is the assessment phase from the metacognition definition. How did you do? What did you learn about the person who was talking? Even more, what did you learn about your listening? Yourself as a listener? Practice that same process over and over. It will be very useful as you develop your listening skills.

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1 “Metacognition,” by Nancy Chick, Center for Learning online article at cft.vanderbilt.edu.

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Word Nerd Alert – Enthusiasm

In my recent post on Inspiration, I mentioned the word “Enthusiasm.” This one gets my word nerd juices flowing, too. “Enthusiasm” can be traced all the way back to ancient Greek. It’s made up of the two words en-, meaning “in” and theos, meaning “God.” Put together, they form a Greek word enthous, meaning God within. As a verb, the word is enthousiazein, meaning “to be possessed by or filled with a god.” It was often associated with ecstatic or intense emotion.

It is that sense of excited emotion that lingers in the meaning today. Here are a few great quotes about enthusiasm:

  • “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “Enthusiasm is the electric current that keeps the engine of life going at top speed” –W. Clement Stone
  • “Knowledge is Power, Enthusiasm pulls the switch” –Ivern Ball
  • “If you’re not fired with enthusiasm, you’ll be fired with enthusiasm!” –Vince Lombardi.

There is an energy around enthusiasm. What happens when you are around enthusiastic people? It affects you. At least it raises your energy level if not making you enthusiastic as well.

I love it! As Susan Rabin says, “Enthusiasm is contagious. Be a carrier!”