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Tag: Stories

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“Beware The Praying Hands”

This beautiful 16th-century pen and ink drawing of hands clasped in prayer by Albrecht Dürer is reputed to be “the most widely reproduced depiction of prayer in the Western world, found on posters, coffee mugs, mobile phones, and has been used as album artwork. Justin Bieber has a reproduction of the image tattooed on his left leg.” (Wikipedia article) I’ve seen sculptures of this image in homes as well. Several years ago, though, I heard an incredibly sad comment about this image. The person said, “Beware the praying hands.”

My wife, Suzi, and I were having dinner with friends in Minnesota. The husband was a painting contractor and while we were talking about his business, he told me that comment was widely circulated among his peers in several different construction trades. He said that “Christians,” who are most often the ones who would have this image in their homes, were the worst customers. Pause and let that sink in. It made my heart sink when I heard it. He said they were the most likely to try to get a cheaper price, most likely to complain about everything, and (get this) the most likely to stiff them on the bill. WHAT!? That was his experience and it’s sad.

Further Evidence

Lest we think his was an isolated situation, unfortunately, there is more. I have several stories similar to this one but I’ll share what I heard from my own niece and nephew who once worked as servers at a well-known restaurant. This was in another part of the country so we’re not just talking about people from Minnesota (my extended family lives in MN and there are many other wonderful people there).

My niece and nephew commented to Suzi and me that “Christians” were the worst customers (Hmm, a recurring theme). They told us that the after-church crowd on Sundays was the most disruptive, the most likely to ask for discounts, the most likely to complain, and the most likely (get ready for it) to stiff them on a tip. What in the world!? But the worst of all is the time when someone left what looked like a $20.00 bill folded on the table. When their colleague, who was not a Christian, picked up the “tip” it turned out to be a “gospel tract” inviting them to become a Christian. When you unfolded it, the words “Here’s your tip” were followed by the invitation. Really?

I’m not necessarily against leaving behind some helpful reading material. But, if you’re going to do that, then literally for God’s sake, you had better have been the best customer that server has ever had, you had better have made their day in some way through your interaction, and you had better have left a generous financial tip folded inside the reading material. There is a saying, “Empty bellies have no ears.”

Why?

Why would people who claim to be followers of Jesus behave this way? Jesus had thousands of people who followed him around to hang on his every word. They followed him around because he was generous, he healed people, he fed people, he spoke life into people, and I believe he had a winsome personality, especially with everyday folks.

Why, then, would those who follow him be “the worst customers?” I could be off base but here are two possible explanations:

  1. A misunderstanding of stewardship – Christians believe in being good stewards of one’s resources. The purpose of good stewardship, among other things, is to be sure you have plenty to share with others who may need their bellies filled. Some misinterpret stewardship as being cheap, or at least it comes across that way. I sometimes wonder if they serve “El Cheapo – the god of not nearly enough.” (that’s a play on one of the compound names of God in the Bible if you’re not familiar). Stewardship is a real thing but we don’t want to project a God that is cheap. Because He’s not!
  2. A misunderstanding of Grace – for a Christian, Grace is the undeserved favor of God first experienced in forgiveness. For some, though, Grace is treated like a license to be a jerk. After all, they may think, “Christians aren’t perfect, Just forgiven” (as one bumper sticker says). Grace, though, is also the energy God provides to live a Christlike life, that winsome, generous, life-giving kind of life. We don’t want to project a God who is a jerk, because He’s not!

A Counter-Example

Suzi and I were having dinner with a good size group of people at a burger and shake restaurant quite a few years ago (when $100 was a lot more money than it is today). Everyone in the group was a Christian. Our server came to take our order and it had some complications to it. We were ordering and having fun with her so, realizing we may have made it hard for her to get everything down correctly, we said, “If you get this order right, we’ll give you a $100 tip.” Once we said that, we knew we were going to give her the tip no matter what. But, guess what, she nailed it! We all but cheered for her and gave her high 5s.

When we left the restaurant, we stopped to watch through the front window. She went over to the table to see if we had kept our word. Some of her co-workers even went to the table with her. When she saw the $100 laying on the table, she grabbed it up and looked to see if any of us were still around. She saw us watching through the window and holding up the money mouthed, “Thank you!” We all smiled and gave her thumbs up.

We don’t always get it right, but that one was fun!

Live On Purpose

If you’re a follower of Jesus, live like you’re on stage all the time. I don’t mean act or be fake, I mean our lives are always on display. People watch and take note of how we behave. Be winsome, be generous (with resources and words), give, forgive, and speak life. There is enough around us that is negative. Let’s not feed that.

If you’re a business owner with a fish or a cross or praying hands in your logo or ad, make sure you’re striving to be the best in the business in all you do, with your employees, with your customers, and with your vendors. Don’t let people say of you, “beware the praying hands.” Jesus deserves the best representation we can give him. Make someone’s day!

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Remembering Reagan

I was at the thrift store with Suzi the other day and I picked up a little hardback book that I just finished reading this morning. It was called The Deepest and Noblest Aspirations, The Wisdom of Ronald Reagan. I was partly nostalgic in picking it up because 1980, when he was first elected, was the first Presidential election when I was able to vote. Whether you agreed with him or not, it’s hard to argue his significance, especially when he won 49 states in the next election!

Also, here’s a quote from Barak Obama:

“Pride in our country, respect for our armed services, a healthy appreciation for the dangers beyond our borders, an insistence that there was no easy equivalence between East and West–in all this I had no quarrel with Reagan. And when the Berlin Wall came tumbling down, I had to give the old man his due, even if I never gave him my vote.”

The book is full of quotes under chapter titles like “On Sports, On Freedom, On Communism (the first three).” There is also one “On Leadership,” and, of course, one “On Humor.” Three specific quotes stood out to me in light of our times. Here they are:

On August 23, 1984, at the Republican National Convention, Reagan said,

“Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong.”

On January 16, 1984, during an address to the Nation from the White House, Reagan said,

“History teaches us that wars begin when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap.”

During his announcement of candidacy for U.S. President on November 13, 1979, Reagan said,

“A troubled and afflicted mankind looks to us, pleading for us to keep our rendezvous with destiny; that we will uphold the principles of self-reliance, self-discipline, morality, and above all, responsible liberty for every individual that we will become that shining city on a hill. They tell us we must learn to live with less, and teach our children that their lives will be less full and prosperous than ours have been; that the America of the coming years will be a place where–because of our past excesses–it will be impossible to dream and make those dreams come true. I don’t believe that. And, I don’t believe you do, either. That is why I’m seeking the presidency. I cannot and will not stand by and see this great country destroy itself. Our leaders attempt to blame their failures on circumstances beyond their control, on false estimates by unknown, unidentifiable, experts who re-write modern history in an attempt to convince us our high standard of living–the result of thrift and hard work–is somehow selfish extravagance which we must renounce as we join in sharing scarcity. I don’t agree that our nation must resign itself to inevitable decline, yielding it’s proud position to other hands. I am totally unwilling to see this country fail in its obligation to itself and to the other free peoples of the world.”

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Alternate Universes – The Power of “Yes” or “No”

I had breakfast the other day with an old friend I haven’t seen in 25 years. We spent two and a half hours catching up. It was fun! At one point he said, “I want to tell you a couple of wild things that have happened.” Who wouldn’t be curious about a statement like that? So, I said, “OK, go on.”

He is adopted. That’s important to the story. Someone in his family gave him one of those DNA tests as a gift. He turned it in and what he found out started quite a journey. Turns out he has a full sister who is a little older than him. Hold that thought. He also found his birth parents whom he has gone to meet. He said there pretty cool.

When he contacted his sister, she was excited and soon came to visit him. They’ve gone to see her childhood home together. Here’s the interesting part. When he was born, he found out, they reached out to his sister’s adoptive family to see if they wanted to adopt him, as well. They weren’t ready to take in another child at the time so they declined. He ended up in a wonderful home and he loves his parents with no regrets. As an adoptive parent myself, that was comforting to hear.

Here’s the real point of the story. After telling me all about this, my friend said, “You know, Jim, I’ve had the opportunity to look into two alternate universes where I might have grown up. Each of those hung on a yes or a no.” I think that is profound. His birth parents said, “No.” His sister’s adoptive family said, “No.” His adoptive family said, “Yes,” and that became his reality.

We’re faced with decisions every day. Some of them are potentially universe-altering with a simple yes or no. This makes me think of three things.

Be Mindful

We never make decisions in a vacuum. Our choices affect not only our lives but also the lives of others around us and even descended from us. There is potential life-altering power in a simple yes or no. Wield it wisely.

Be Decisive

Every decision is a yes to something and a no to something else. Don’t get stuck in analysis paralysis. Yes, be mindful, but make the choice. You may not have all the information or all the resources you’d like, but not making a decision is a decision. They say “fortune favors the bold.” Take action. Make the decision.

Be Flexible

One thing that might help with being decisive is realizing that many decisions, not all but many, can be reversed by simply making another decision. You may not be able to completely reverse course, but you can alter the direction you’re going with a choice.

My friend’s “universe” was the result of decisions that were made for him when he was a baby. He didn’t have a choice. But, his very successful life has been the result of great choices he’s made along the way from that starting point. His was a happy beginning. Many aren’t. Regardless of the starting point, you can alter your universe with a simple yes or no.

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A Pandemic Proof New Year Vision

As we wind down 2021 and prepare for the next new year, I would like to revisit another post. This one was also a message I shared with friends at church. I posted this originally on January 6, 2020 under the title “2020 Vision.” Of course, this was pre-pandemic by a few weeks. Little did we know … right?! The good news is that the principles in this post are pandemic proof. This is about clarifying your purpose. If you prefer to watch or listen rather than read, here’s a link to the video of the talk I gave at church. It’s about 30 minutes long, your choice.

Happy New Year! I have a dear friend who lives in the Atlanta area. Each New Year’s Eve I text him at 9:00 PM my time (I live on the west coast). It’s always the same text message, “How does the future look?” This year his answer was a little different. It always says, “The future looks bright!” this year he said, “The future is so bright I’m seeing 2020!” We’re having a lot of fun with 2020 already, aren’t we? Did you catch the Barbara Walters 20/20 montage on New Year’s Eve? “This is 20/20” and “Welcome to 20/20” over and over again. It was pretty clever.

The New Year is a good time to talk about vision. When we talk about Mission, we’re usually talking about what we do. Vision is about why? Vision is about our personal or team or corporate purpose. It’s been said that when you know your “Why,” your “What” becomes more powerful. There is an ancient Proverb that says, “When there is no vision, the people cast off restraint.” It’s saying that absent clear purpose, direction and boundaries, people (individuals, teams, even companies) do whatever they want and that leads to chaos.

What’s Your Why?

I touched on this in a post a couple months ago. But, I want to unpack it a little here. How do you know your purpose, your why? I really like this exercise I learned from John Maxwell’s book Intentional Living. He suggests you can discover your “why” by asking the following questions:

  1. What do you Cry about? Almost everyone cries about things like the loss of a loved one (human or pet) or a broken relationship. So, the question is not what do you cry about? It’s, what do you cry about? What are the things that uniquely move you to tears? I’m a sap crier, not a sad crier. Don’t get me wrong, I cry about normal things. But I tend to cry more about things that are moving. My family calls me a sap. So, I had to reverse engineer this to discover that I cry about Ignorance (when people don’t know that things could be better or how to make them better). I also cry about Estrangement (when relationships that should be wonderful are broken). Finally, I cry about Devaluation (I’m not talking about currency here. I’m talking about when people are written off as having or bringing no value)
  2. What do you Sing about? Again, the emphasis is on you. What are the specific things that light you up to the point of wanting to sing? I get jazzed about discovery; when I see or help people learn the things that will transform their lives. I also want to sing when there is reconciliation, when those relationships that should be wonderful become wonderful again. Finally, I love it when those who’ve been written off are proven to be worthy. Call it redemption or transformation. I don’t care what we call it, I love it.
  3. What do you Dream about? This is not the big house, boat, or fancy car conversation. This is about what one thing, if you could change it, would make all the difference for you? I dream about spending the rest of my life launching leaders to live their legend (more about that in another post).
  4. What’s your sweet spot? What are you great at? It may be natural talent or developed skill, but you’re good at it. Your sweet spot is where your passion (what you cry and sing about), your dream(s) (what you dream about), and your talent and skills intersect. This is where you find your why, your purpose. this is your 2020 vision of who you want to become.

A Final Question

This is the point where you ask “what?” What are you going to do about all this? Dreams are free, everyone has them. The difference between dreamers who just dream and those whose dreams come true is action. Now that you know your why, your what will be more clear and it will certainly have more impact.

What are two things (small or large) you could do in the next week to move you in the direction of your vision? Do those. Happy New Year

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Peace

I received a Christmas card from a friend and former coworker the other day along with a tin of yummy homemade Christmas treats (Thank you, Anna!). When I pulled the card out of the envelope I saw one word on the cover, “Peace.” Inside, the sentiment read, “Warm wishes for peace on Earth and blessings on your Christmas.” The reference comes from the Christmas story (not the movie, the one in the bible). After the Angel announced the birth of Jesus to the shepherds a company of Angels joined him and they proclaimed “Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will to men!” That reminded me of the words to a Christmas carol based on the same pronouncement.

“I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day”

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play
And mild and sweet their songs repeat
Of peace on Earth, good will to men

Then, very much like the writer of this Christmas Carol, I looked around at our country and our world and thought,

And in despair I bowed my head
“There is no peace on Earth, ” I said
For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on Earth, good will to men

Then the carol reminded me of another promise of Christmas, hope.

Then rang the bells more loud and deep
God is not dead, nor doth He sleep
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on Earth, good will to men

People hate and fight and war because what they believe about right and wrong differs if they care about right and wrong at all. As a person of faith, I believe there is truth that defines right and wrong and that God is the author of it. I know my understanding is incomplete but, as the carol suggests, God will sort it all out in time. That knowledge allows me to be at peace on the inside even when the circumstances on the outside are not peaceful.

This Christmas week I wish you and yours Peace that comes from Hope that comes from the child that was laid in a manger. Blessings on your Christmas!

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Transitions

I guess there’s a sense in which we’re all in transition. We get older. I’m writing this in December which means we’re in that three-month part of the year when my wife, Suzi, is older than me. Technically she’s always older than me, but between October and January it shows up when we write down our ages. Many years ago I put an ad in the local paper with her picture that said, “Suzi Thomason turns 30 today. Happy Birthday from your 29-year old husband!” Yes, I did! That scenario where she is “older” than me has come around over 40 times for us so far. The first time my progress in years really dawned on me was a few years back when I realized I was the age my dad was when I got married. That gives you some perspective.

Along with getting older comes the empty nest transition. I posted the other day that Suzi and I had gotten our Christmas tree together, alone, for the first time in a long time. That was bittersweet. The kids get older, they move out, they get married (no grandkids yet), have careers, make choices. You transition to a different role in their lives.

Those are transitions that everyone experiences. Well, most everyone, not everyone has kids, but everyone gets older. Then there are those transitions that are unique to you. Maybe you change jobs or even careers. Maybe you relocate to another part of the country or world. You may have experienced the breakup of an important relationship, a divorce, or the loss of a loved one.

The COVID-19 Pandemic caused a huge transition for people all over the world. Every time there is a change in political administration, the country goes through a transition. The point is things are constantly changing and we have to transition to something new.

How do you remain constant when things are constantly changing? We might lose our minds if something didn’t remain the same. Here are a couple of

ideas that have helped me.

  • Cherish Today. Yesterday is gone, we can learn from it but can’t change it. Tomorrow never comes. Just as it’s about to arrive, it becomes today. Today is a gift. Maybe that’s why they call it the present.
  •  Hold on to your values. Don’t follow the path of least resistance. That path makes both rivers and men crooked.
  •  Follow your north star, that point of reference that keeps you moving in the right direction no matter what. Mine is my relationship with God about whom the book of Provers says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.”
  •  Commit to growth. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You’ll get stronger still if you consistently ask, “How can I grow through this?”

Suzi and I are in the midst of yet another transition. We’ve moved, again, job change coming, possible career change. We don’t know what’s beyond January. I plan to hold on to those four points. I’ll let you know what happens.

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Service!

“Now Hiring!” signs are everywhere, especially in restaurants. So are “dining room closed, drive-through only” signs. We also see signs that say, “Due to supply issues, some menu items may not be available.” All of this signals that you may not have a stellar experience while dining in this particular establishment. Understaffed restaurants mean overworked employees who are doing their best just to get the basics done. On a recent road trip, Suzi and I went 15 minutes out of our way to go to a Dunkin’ Donuts in Denver. When we got there, the dining room was closed. We couldn’t use the drive-through because we were pulling a trailer. Bummer! We got Dunkin’ Skunked.

In the middle of all this, you sometimes run across a bright spot. You encounter a person who goes the extra mile or does something to make things right. I like to highlight those, so in this post, I’d like to share two recent stories.

ABCD Service (Above and Beyond the Call of Duty)

On the same road trip as the Dunkin’ Skunked incident, pulling the same trailer, we had a different experience the day before. I had misunderstood Suzi earlier in the day. She had wanted to stop at a Dairy Queen in Baker, California. I didn’t realize that and rolled past the exit without getting off. We were talking to our son on the phone (hands-free of course) at that moment and by the time she noticed we were passing the exit it was too late and it’s too far to get off and turn around. She was disappointed.

I wanted to make it up to her, so I found a Dairy Queen in Las Vegas and asked Google to navigate us there. We got off at W Sahara Ave and headed there. I pulled into the parking lot and went to the door only to find, you guessed it, the dining room was closed. I couldn’t go through the drive-through with my trailer, so we sat in the parking lot behind the restaurant for a minute consoling ourselves when Suzi noticed an employee coming out to throw out the trash.

I opened my window and called out, “Excuse me! How can I get some ice cream when I can’t go through the drive-through?”

“I got you!” he replied and came over to the car. “What would you like?”

“Can we get a hot fudge sundae with Spanish Peanuts and a small vanilla cone?” I asked.

“Sure!” I’ll be right back. I gave him a $20.00 bill and off he went.

I joked with Suzi that that might be the last we see of that 20 bucks, but very quickly the young man came back with my change. The total was 6 dollars and change. “Keep the change,” I said. “I really appreciate you doing this.”

“No, no,” he surprised me, “It’s my pleasure.”

“Wow!’ I thought. I pressed him and he said, “How about you keep the 10?”

“How about you keep the 10,” I countered. “I really do appreciate you.” He graciously agreed and Suzi and I went on our way enjoying our ice cream.

Service Recovery

A couple of weeks ago Suzi and I went through the drive-through (no trailer in this story) at a Culver’s in Lincoln, Nebraska. They asked us to pull up because we were going to have to wait for part of our order. Boy did we wait! After way too many minutes I was getting ready to get out of the car, go inside and ask if they had to go catch the fish for my fish sandwich (snarky, huh).

Just as I was about to open the door, I saw someone coming out of the restaurant. “Here comes someone,” I said to Suzi, “maybe this is our order.” When I noticed he wasn’t carrying any food, I said, “Nope. It looks like he’s got someone’s change, he’s carrying money, not food.”

To my surprise, he came to our car. I rolled down the window and he said, “I’m so sorry it’s taken this long to get your food. It shouldn’t have happened this way. Your order will be out in less than 3 minutes. Here is your money back and here’s a coupon for another free meal on your next visit. Again, I’m so sorry. Thank you for your patience.”

Another Wow! That guy turned a service disaster into a monumental service recovery that not only satisfied us, it also ensured we would be back to his restaurant again soon.

The message? It’s twofold. First, there are great people out there overcoming barriers and doing great work. Acknowledge them when you can. Second, strive to deliver ABCD service in everything you do and if you fail (it happens), deliver a monumental recovery.

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Pivot!

The first year we lived in China, one of the veterans of overseas living said to me, “to be successful living in Asia, you have to be willing to live with ambiguity.” He was right. I learned that the more of my western expectations I was able to let go, the more I enjoyed the experience of living there and the more I learned. Ambiguity means, “the quality of being open to more than one interpretation, inexactness.”

For example, one day soon after arriving in Kunming, my wife and two youngest children were walking outside near our home. My son, who was 9 at the time, overheard a woman talking on the phone. She repeated a mandarin phrase “na ge” (when pronounced it sounds like there is an “r” at the end of “ge”). He asked my wife, “Are these people racist?” My son is black and he thought she was saying the “N” word. It turns out that is a phrase that simply means “that one” and is used by some as a filler like our “um.” We had a good laugh about that misunderstanding when we learned the truth.

Footwork

Fast forward a few years and my youngest daughter (twin to the boy in the previous story) is a high school basketball player. She is over 5-10 so she played in the middle a lot. One thing her coach worked on hard with the girls was their footwork. Footwork is fundamental to every basketball skill and one of the fundamental footwork moves is the pivot. When you want to move and not dribble, you have to establish a “pivot foot” and can only move the other one while that one stays planted. So you essentially swivel on that fixed pivot point.

Players pivot to protect the ball, to get open for a shot, or to get clear to pass the ball. Janessa was a great rebounder. She had a knack for pulling the ball down, pivoting to find her open teammate, and getting the ball to her quickly to move up the court. It was fun to watch.

Life

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Life happens?” I’ve learned that my friend’s quote from the beginning of this post is true of living anywhere, not just in Asia. The more you are able to live with ambiguity, the more flexible you are, the more you are able to pivot, the more successful you will be. The opposite of that is to be brittle, and brittle often gets broken.

Probably the biggest of many pivots we’ve made in life was when we moved overseas. I had been laid off during the economic downturn of 2008/2009 and as a result, we lost our home. No one was hiring at the time so we had to pivot. Through an unexpected set of circumstances, we wound up in China. As you can probably tell by how often I reference it in my posts, that 2-year experience was wonderfully transformative for our family. We would never have had that opportunity if life hadn’t happened as it did.

Just like in basketball, we may pivot to protect something. We may pivot so we can take our shot, or we may pivot to give someone else a shot by passing off to them. Those are all potentially great moves in the game of life.

I know we all prefer autonomy. We want to direct our own lives and be in control. But, when everyone wants that, life happens. Sometimes your best autonomous move is to pivot.

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Encourage!

I had an unplanned meeting with three assistant managers the other day. Those unplanned meetings where you all just happen to be in the same place and start talking are often the best. One of them started to share a little of her personal story. She has overcome a lot in her life and is now working with some volunteer organizations to help others. Her story is inspiring, but what really caught my attention was how she talked about the people she leads. As an assistant manager in this setting, she oversees a team of about 28 people. What she talked about was their stories, how they tend to open up and share their stories with her, and how many of them had similar backgrounds of overcoming.

Have you ever heard the terms Human Resources, FTEs, Headcount, Staff? I don’t have a gripe against any of those terms per se, I use them myself. But, they are pretty impersonal ways of referring to the people we lead. I like data and numbers and trends, they all tell a story. But, so do our people. We lead teams, but teams are people. Our organizations are made up of people. They all have lives outside of work. They have hopes and dreams, plans and fears, significance and potential. Do you know what they are?

Leighton Ford said, “In our postmodern world, people have been treated as numbers, as replaceable parts, as something on someone’s agenda, a program, a screen name. They long to be noticed, to be valued, to have someone pay attention!”

ENCOURAGE

A few weeks ago, I wrote on Courage! Today I’m writing on “Encourage.” Here goes a little word nerd action. Interesting thing about the prefix “en-,” when it’s added to nouns and adjectives it forms a verb expressing conversion into the specified state as in “encrust” or “ennoble.” So, when added to courage, it means to convert someone into the state of courage, to give them courage.

In my post on courage, I wrote about different categories of courage, Physical courage, Moral courage, Social courage, and Intellectual courage. I defined courage in the words of Theodore Roosevelt, who said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.”

The Apostle Paul, in his first letter to the Christians in Thessalonica, wrote ” Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. Acknowledge those who work hard among you.”

HOW TO ENCOURAGE

People often hold back in their work and in their life because of fear.  They even make mistakes because of fear. To Encourage someone, you must help them decide that something else is more important than their fear.

The first step in doing that is to Acknowledge them. People need to be recognized for who they are and what they do. You can take it a step further when you acknowledge them and their work as significant. The next level of acknowledgment is to recognize that person’s potential. Start talking to someone about their potential in a positive way and watch them lean into the conversation.

The next step in encouraging someone is to Know them. You can’t help a person overcome a fear and be courageous if you don’t know what their dreams and fears are.  Connection increases courage. I recently asked a couple of training leads for feedback on a new trainer. One of them said, “She really connects with the new hires.” I asked her to describe that for me. She told me that most of the new hire classes start out shy and reserved. But, as the trainer gets to know them and builds up their skills, they come out of their shells, and by the end of the training week, they’re high-fiving each other, laughing, and learning.

Part of knowing your people is understanding their goals and dreams. That leads to the final step in encouraging them, Help them. Like the trainer who built up new skills for new hires, or a coach who helps a person develop natural talent and/or acquired skills, you show the person what needs to be done and what barriers are in the way. Help remove any barriers you can. Above all, encouraging someone is helping them decide to take action, to be bold, to shoot for what’s more important than their fear.

Think of one person you could encourage today and take action.

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Courage!

What is your biggest fear? I don’t mean a phobia like fear of heights, fear of spiders, or fear of public speaking. I’m asking about more common fears like the fear of loneliness, or the fear of rejection, failure, inadequacy, or the fear of being physically hurt or even the fear of uncertainty or meaninglessness. Fear unconsciously (or consciously!) blocks us from so much in life. Did one of those fears stand out to you when you read it? That, then, may be your biggest fear. But, this post isn’t about fear. It’s about courage.

Courage

I had to start with a brief mention of fear because fear plays prominently in the definition of courage. Courage, in the online dictionary,  is “The ability to do something that frightens one.” Or, as Theodore Roosevelt said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” That’s a powerful statement. Some people have said that courage is the willingness to act in spite of fear. No disagreement here, but Roosevelt’s quote seems powerful to me because it talks about why someone might overcome fear to take action.

That raises another question. What’s important to you? Another way of asking that question might be, what do you consider valuable? Setting aside for a minute valuable stuff, is your family valuable to you? Is safety and security? Your job? What about other valuable things also known as values, like integrity, love, honor, humility? These are questions we must answer if, by Roosevelt’s definition, we ever hope to be courageous. Which of us, after all, has never fantasized about being a “hero?”

Categories of Courage

Since the very definition of courage contains a clear reference to fear, it seems reasonable that categories of courage would align with a list of various fears. But, I think it’s helpful to consider them this way. Here are a few categories of courage:

  1. Physical Courage – this is when you assess that something else is more important than your physical safety and security. Our first responders and military, for example, have made a career out of this assessment.
  2. Social Courage – this is when you assess that something else is more important than your social comfort or sense of belonging. Leaders need social courage when they ask their people to believe in and follow them.
  3. Moral Courage – this is when you assess that your convictions are more important than your social standing, your job, or, in some cases, even your life. Religious martyrs and social activists require moral courage.
  4.  Intellectual Courage – this is when you assess that something else is more important than being right or being part of the “in” crowd. Truth seekers require intellectual courage.

Did one of those descriptions draw you in? Can you see yourself being a physical hero? Maybe. Or what about a social hero, or a moral hero, or an intellectual hero? And that’s not an exhaustive list. The point is that courageous people are clear on what’s most important to them.

A Call to Courage

It was after dark one evening 25 years ago. I was the brand new pastor of a small church in a small town outside Lincoln, Nebraska. Suzi, the kids, and I had just arrived home from a visit to central Illinois where we had lived and pastored previously. The drive was seven and a half hours so we were ready to settle in for the evening. Right after we arrived home we got a call telling us a dear friend who was a member of our previous church had passed away while we were driving home. We had just visited with him on our trip. He was ill but we didn’t expect him to go that quickly.

In the midst of our road weariness and grief, the phone rang again. This time it was a member of our new church. There had been a terrible car accident involving teenage boys from our small community. She was calling from the hospital, “almost the whole town is here,” she said.

“Are either of the other pastors there?” I asked. There were two other churches in town and I wondered if pastoral care was available.

“Yes,” she answered. But it was clear she wanted her church to be officially represented, too. I understood that, of course.

It would be a 25 to 30 minute drive to the hospital in Lincoln. That’s no big deal in and of itself. Being called upon to serve in these situations despite personal tiredness and grief was what I signed up for so that wasn’t part of my struggle. But I did struggle. None of the families involved were from our church and I was afraid that my showing up, the new pastor of the “other” church, might appear morbid. It might appear like I was trying to horn in on the community’s grief to benefit myself or our church in some way.

The Rest of the Story

I made a decision. Serving those people with injured children and answering the call of the person from my church was more important than my fears. I put those in God’s hands and headed to the hospital. By the time I arrived, providentially, everyone else had gone home. Only the parents of the injured boys were still there. I had uninterrupted access to the single dad of one boy and the mother and father of the other. I did my best to offer grace, compassion, prayer, and any other support they would need in the coming days.

It was a genuine tragedy. The single dad lost his son. The parents of the other boy eventually brought him home but he would never be the same due to traumatic brain injury. In the days before those outcomes were known, the people of our church stepped up to serve those families and the community in amazing ways. The result of their actions opened doors to ministry in that community that had previously not been opened. I was a small part of a big thing God did in those days. Had I not done my part, He would have found another way, but I’m grateful to have participated.

Every day may present an opportunity to overcome some fear. If we focus on what’s most important to us, get clear on that, I believe we’ll become more courageous.