Connecting is a Skill

Happy 3rd Birthday, Engager Dynamics! My firsts post, Star Performance, went up on April 15, 2018, so this is celebration week. This time last year, who could have imagined what was in store? We thought we’d be out of this pandemic lockdown soon for one thing.  We sold the home we’d lived in the longest of any since we got married and moved to “The Ranch.” Let’s not even mention the interesting politics with the campaigns, the rallies, the demonstrations, the conventions, and the election. What a year!

Work, for those who still have jobs, has largely become a virtual world of masked colleagues at least six feet away if not miles. Connecting is more important now than ever. This is a good time to talk about the fact that connecting is more skill than natural talent. We can learn to connect. True, some people seem to connect more easily than others, but we can all learn to connect. Great connectors tend to draw on one or more of several factors to create a connection. Here are five to consider. Which of these might you have? The factors will be different depending on with whom you’re connecting.

Relationships – who you know.

A quick way to gain credibility with an individual, a group, or an audience is to borrow it from someone who has credibility with them. “Who” you know can open the door for you to connect with someone. I was at a convention in Orlando, Florida in August of 2019, for example. I met a guy and we started talking. You know, the small talk that we use to find something in common. As it turned out, we had lived in the same town during high school and knew some of the same people particularly a guy I had played football with. There was an instant connection. The level of conversation changed from small talk to connection.

Insight – what you know.

If you share an area of expertise generously with others, you give people reasons to respect you and they will develop a sense of connection with you. What are you really good at that most people aren’t? Can you draw? Are you good with Excel? Are you a history buff? Whatever it is that people look to you for can be a point of connection when you share it with them.

Success – what you have done.

People want to be successful and they seek out others who have accomplished something to get their advice. If you are successful in anything you do, there will be people who will want to listen to you and connect with you.

Ability – what you can do.

If you have a high level of ability in an area, others may want to connect with you because of that ability. Excellence connects. Individuals who perform at a high level in their profession often have instant credibility with others. People admire them. They want to be like them. They feel connected to them. When they speak, others listen.

Think about Michael Jordan. He’s made more money from endorsements than he ever did playing basketball. Is it because of his knowledge or use of the products he endorses? No. It’s because of what he can do with a basketball.

Sacrifice – how you have lived.

If you’ve made sacrifices, suffered tragedy, or overcome painful obstacles, many people will relate to you. If you have been able to remain positive yet humble in the midst of life’s difficulties, others will admire you and will connect with you.

Not everyone is Michael Jordan. But you don’t have to be him to be recognized for your ability at something. Ability is only one possible way to connect and these are only five of many possible connecting points. When you find a connecting point with someone or with a group, you can sense a switch from communication to connection. Finding those connecting points is a skill. I’ve just given you five places to look.